what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
