I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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