Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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