is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
