barbara walters just said penis...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
