She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
