you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
