i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize