i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
