I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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