you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
