u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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