Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
