he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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