We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
