my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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