I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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