I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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