Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I deserve this hangover.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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