Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize