I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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