How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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