your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
