I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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