I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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