can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
