We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Vodka?
Forever.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
