Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Your dad touched me again.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
