It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
