I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
