Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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