He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
