glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
