God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
