I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Im part way to drunk.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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