Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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