i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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