i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
