I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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