Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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