yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
