And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
