I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
