i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize