Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize