I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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