I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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