Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
