Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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