so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
