Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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