Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
