So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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