I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
