I accidentally burped into my bong.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's blow job season.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize