A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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