He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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