man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
