The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
