could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize