if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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