The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
