I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize