why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
