We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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