my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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