she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
