eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
