let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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