you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
