hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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