I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
