i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
