I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
