I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
