it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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