It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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