If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
