There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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