Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
