I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Drake has all the answers
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
