You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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