Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Girls should come with a carfax report
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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