First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
