ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
