i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
