ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
