mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
